WTF? What else is one supposed to think when confronted by a sheet of A4 bearing the above pictogram?

The explanation, of course, is pretty prosaic, although it took a bit of persuasion to get at the truth.

Shortly before Chrimbo, GolfMagic.com staff writer Alex Perry decided to start cycling to work, which would mean riding the frantic cyclebahn between Stockwell and the Angel. Keen to encourage this uncharacteristic display of zeal and initiative, I offered him the RCUK test Merida S’Presso i8, which has proven the perfect machine for those wanting an introduction to London commuting.

Shortly after the office return, I received a pair of shorts to test which, pulled on, proved way too long in the leg for one of my impeccable tastes. Alex, on the other hand, rides wearing an outfit presumably modelled on that sported by the urchins of one of the larger Stockwell housing projects and, furthermore, is blessed with long legs.  

Offered the shorts, he grudgingly accepted them with the proviso that he would not be seen wearing them by anyone in the office and certainly none of the younger women. Since his shellsuit bottoms are pretty voluminous, I was able to reassure him that his fears were unfounded and there we left it.

Indeed, I might have forgotten the very existence of the shorts were it not for the appearance of the picture in question. It was drawn by George to help Alex get into them. Not wishing to be seen “in all his glory”, Alex decided to take the shorts home and try them on in the privacy of his own home. Which would have been fine and dandy had he been able to work out a: which way was front; b: whether the chamois should go inside or out and c: how to position the shoulder straps.

Readers may judge for themselves whether the diagram is helpful.

Coming next: Alex tries chamois cream