Chris from Chain Reaction and Santa Claus (on the right with the beard)
As a rule, we don’t like to post press releases verbatim – it smacks of laziness for a start, and most of them are, not to put too fine a point on it, amazingly awful. However, we have been known to make the odd exception. This missive from top online bike shop Chain Reaction Cycles has clearly had a reasonable amount of work put into it so it seems churlish not to reproduce it in something approaching full:
After weeks of negotiations at both the CRC headquarters in the UK and at the Lapland head office of Santa Claus Inc, CRC are pleased to announce that they have been awarded the lucrative Christmas delivery contract.
The CRC high speed delivery team will be replacing the old-fashioned elves and flying reindeer squadrons with their modern systems, which where proved to be 3% faster and more reliable in recent top secret tests.
In a statement, the CRC boss said: “We have the greatest respect for the old-fashioned style of Christmas Eve delivery and we have learnt a lot from the old guard. However now is the time for a modern, faster approach”.
Mr Claus said: “We have arranged a very healthy retirement package for the elves and reindeers and they now look forward to a very well earned rest.”
CRC is also in serious negotiations with Tooth Fairy & Co and The Easter Bunny Ltd.