Of a similar ilk to Mr Flashtastic, The Clubber arrives at the start already fully dressed in the kit of an obscure regional cycling club – Pocklington Dynamo, Chudleigh Supervelo, Marple Vitesse and suchlike.

For the rest of the day The Clubber only talks to, rides with, and acknowledges other riders wearing the same kit.

You might wonder why they bother paying £20 to register for a sportive when they’re going to treat it as a regular club run, but you won’t get chance to ask any of them as these monsters don’t even stop at the free cake stops – a sign of severe anti-social tendencies.

They will, however, gorge themselves on the free food at the end of the ride, so don’t be surprised if your plateful of chilli con carne is a little on the meagre side – these lot have probably snaffled most of it and hopped back in their Mondeos to get back home in time for Songs of Praise.