Inexplicably this guy, despite pushing 40 and with a noticeable beer gut, is fully kitted out in this season’s BMC kit. From head to toe. Even the socks.

Is this a low-key training ride for one of the Swiss super-team’s roster of Classics specialists? No, it’s an accountant from Brentford with delusions of grandeur.

Most tragic of all is that he’s got his own ‘nickname’ (which nobody actually ever calls him) printed on the sleeve of his jersey, repeated along with a Union Jack decal on the frame of his bike. We all know there’s never been a stagiaire called ‘Dazza’. And there never will be either.

‘Dazza’ imagines himself channeling the spirit of the legendary Philippe Gilbert as he assails the climbs, but to everybody else he looks more like Uncle Phil from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.